The burden of history

This bloody conflict in Palestine and Israel is deeply distressing, a constant rollercoaster of emotions, with events unfolding rapidly, leaving little time for reflection and processing. For me, it's not a matter of lacking understanding; in fact, it's painful because there's an overwhelming amount of information to process, which can cloud clear thinking. 

The scale and nature of Hamas's actions hit a personal chord, considering the historical context of blood libels, pogroms and the Holocaust.   No one should be targeted based solely on their identity.

I'm repulsed by an organization whose charter still references the Protocols of Zion, a 19th-century anti-Semitic forgery. However, I remind myself that there's a complex context of colonial occupation, humiliation, and dehumanization. The subsequent days characterised by the medieval siege of Gaza served as a stark reminder of this complex and terrible reality. It is also reminded me about the brutality of a rationalised bureaucratic machine.  The kind of brutality which starves, humiliates and kills while still presenting itself as civilised, democratic and sane.  

I recoil at those who simply side with Israelis because they look and live like them, while they perceive Palestinians in their reality as less than human.  There is an underlying racism among those who identify with Israel on the basis of this premise.  They are exactly the kind of people who would have hated the dirty starving jew in the ghettoes.  No wonder some on the far right feel so comfortable supporting Israel. 

As the days go by, I'm becoming increasingly exhausted by the weight of history, both past and present. History can serve as a tool for understanding, but it can also become a heavy burden, even a justification for violence and genocide.

For instance, one can argue that Israel's formation is linked to colonialism and an ethnocentric ideology, marginalizing Palestinians as a 'people without history,' similar to the treatment of other indigenous groups worldwide. Yet, many years after the Nakba, there are Israelis living in a society they created, who should not be under the constant threat of elimination and genocide. Israel is here to stay, and part of its identity is that of a 'homeland for the Jews', but hopefully not at the exclusion of Israeli Arabs and surely not as an occupying power.   

But while Israelis have their reasons to be be scared, their government's policies have turned Gaza into a  prison camp, where an entire society is confined and regularly subjected to punishment. In this sense, Gaza evokes memories of the Warsaw Ghetto. And the forced evacuation of Palestinians evokes older memories not just of the nakba but of jews expelled from their homeland in Spain. We must remember and never forget. Yes history can be odious. Yet it can serve as both an antidote and a lesson, helping us remain sensitive to the darkness that can affect both the oppressed and the oppressor.

Heinous crimes happen in a context not in your favourite narrative

The death of Pelin Kaya is a reminder of the risks posed by recklessness and machismo on our roads, something with which i am very familiar as a pedestrian who walks on a daily basis. The behaviour of the driver after hitting his victim (throwing stones at her and people in the vicinity) also comes across as another case of toxic masculinity. But while few focused on these aspects many conveniently tried to fit this case in their favourited narrative. 

For example some have blamed the driver's actions on the legalisation of weed, even if media reports suggested that he was under the influence of cocaine which is a harder and much more dangerous drug. Still it would be non sensical to blame this behaviour on cocaine, a substance which is used by thousands of recreational users who pose no risk to others. In fact the legalisation of both weed and cocaine would facilitate  information campaigns against driving under influence.  Moreover driving under the influence is symptomatic of  recklessness and complete disregard for others by a significant amount of drivers.  But the point made by those blaming weed is  political and reactionary.  It is both an attempt to blame the permissive Labour government for anything going wrong in society and to frame such events in to a discourse of conservative moral panic in the face of demands for bodily autonomy. Clerics making such arguments should be reminded that although domestic violence is often associated with alcohol abuse, wine is still a central motif of Catholic rituals.  What is wrong here is not the substance but the context and the actions of the person abusing it. 

Inevitably although the accused was brought up in Malta and has a Maltese surname, some latched at his French Arab descent. This mostly suggests a sense of frustration felt by the usual suspects who could not blame this crime on foreigners. In fact this case simply shows that heinous crimes are often committed by Maltese against foreigners. 

Even on the left some cannot resist the temptation of blaming such incident on rampant cut throat individualism characteristic of capitalist societies. In this aspect some leftists seem to share the romantic notion of a lost innocence with conservative counterparts. But socialists should be the first to recognise that we live in much more humane societies than ever before. Traditional societies were far more brutal, cruel and intolerant than the society in which we live nowadays. I am happy to live in a western liberal democratic society where there is greater equality, sexual freedom and autonomy than ever before. Socialism for me is all about ensuring that everyone can enjoy and afford these freedoms. 

But while too many people are busy using cases like this to prove preconceived prejudices,  there is always a social context in which random crimes happen. And while sheer coincidence, existential factors and irrationalities play a major part in explaining crime, even irrational thoughts and actions are grounded in wider social norms. For example our society does have a problem with a growing number of troubled and insecure males whose bullish actions pose a threat to others.  But rather than being understood as the embodiment of permissive liberalism their aggression may well be a reaction against it. In this sense toxic masculinity should be seen as being more of an attempt to reassert traditional authority than as a challenge to it.  Pornographers and pimps like Andrew Tate are perfect examples of this phenomenon.   In such a culture cars like guns are often perceived as an extension of the penis.  One may say that I am also falling in to the same trap of fitting this case in to a narrative. But this  is just one observation which probably does not explain the dynamics of the case in question.  Moreover, tradition, modernity and liberalism are also abstractions full of contradictions. So let's talk about context and possible causes but avoid fitting everything in our favourite narrative.

That first drag

There is something about the drag from a factory made cigarette. It is like sucking life from something which gives you death. But that first drag with the morning espresso gives you a shot of life albeit a contaminated one. Still it is only that first one which gives you that sensation, the rest may have their own value when matched to the moment, some insight, a view, pleasure or even an apathetic moment need to be accompanied with a drag... sort of it always accenuates feelings be they of awe or pain...still on those rare occasions when i surpass the 10 cigs limit, they start to taste just as they really are: toxic and unpleasant especially with too much booze. Probably at that stage you start smelling like an ash tray. And worse after years of smoking you could end up smelling like one of those old bars which have absorbed decades of tobacco smoke. Still they form part of the chain which makes that singular sensation of each morning's drag possible. It is that drag which makes it so difficult to stop the habit which gets in to a routine. Surely there are other ingredients which add to the allure. The smoke itself envelopes you in a kind of intimacy and a smoke filled room is always pregnant with great ideas and hopes. It is hard to imagine a revolution being planned in a smoke free room. Yet you don't need a cig for that...vaping was a good substitute in that sense except for that damn first drag and the hard texture of the thing. Guess it is always a good time to quit. But what can substitute the feeling of that first drag? Perhaps it is just one thing one has to simply give up.

dimech u l-medjokrita

Biex tifhem u tispjega kultant tispicca tirrazzjonalizza aspetti tal-hajja socjali u politika li haqqhom biss tnejjik u satira. Speci li ghad hawn min iqum filghodu u l-ewwel haga li jaghmel hi li jidhol fuq facebook biex jghid prosit lil xi Ministru f'pajjiz li l-ebda Ministru ma jhossux hazin b'dan, hi sinjal ta medjokrita li probabli ghanda gheruq socjali u storici imma tibqa li hi...pajjiz li qatt ma produca rivoluzzjonijiet. Pajjiz li qatt m ghada mil-passatur tal-vjolenza tal-istorja. Pajjiz li anki s-sekularizmu gie fih f pakkett medjokri u grottesk. Biex ma nsemmux partitarji li baqu jiddefendu l-indifensibli li l-anqas il-partit taghhom m ghadu komdu jiddefendi. U l-iktar li ninharaq hi meta attitudni li m'hi xejn injoranza tigi kwazi glorifikata bhala xi espressjoni tal-klassi tal-haddiema u min jitnejjek bija jigi labelled elitist. Manwel Dimech nahseb kien jirremetti u Gwann Mamo kien jikteb novella iktar brutali minn ulied in nanna venut. Kieku ghex Dimech illum hafna kienu jikkundanawh bhala elitist ghax ma tanx kellu xi apprezzament kbir tal-kultura popolari anzi... Ir-realta hi li Dimech u Mamo iktar minnu kienu unforgiving quddiem l-injoranza tal-masses...bi kwalifika importanti; dik li riedu l-emancipazzjoni...imma anki hawn wiehed ma jistghax ma jinnotax il-mod grottesk kif tigi l-bidla f'Malta. Forsi hemm raguni storika...dik li ma kellnix 1789, 1848 u 1968...assenza shiha tal-borgezija rivoluzzjonarja, rwol li kellhom jidhlu ghalih intelletwali organici bhal dimech li hareg mil-habs u wara politici imperfetti imma egemonici bhal mintoff...imma fl-ahhar mil-ahhar l-hsieb qatt ma kien rispettat. Wara dimech hadd ma ta wisq kaz l-emancipazzjoni mentali tal-haddiema u issa naqra too late ghax l-unika aspirazzjoni ta klassi li baqa hi dik li nsiru sinjuri zghar (ovvjament sinjuri fil-but mhux fil-mohh). Imma issa waqet il-maskra u l-haddiem darrewh ifahhar lil mafjuz, lil korrott u lis-sinjur (dejjem jekk fuq in-naha t-taghna) Forsi mhux Malta biss. Speci l-lemin populista/faxxista kullumkien jiccelebra il-poplu (bhala rapprezentazzjoni tal-injoranza) waqt li jattakaw l-elites (li jinkludu wkoll l-NGOs, il-gurnalisti imma mhux dawk li stinkaw fil-hajja biex jifthu xi kumpanija offshore) imma Malta ghandna inqas immunita ghal dan it-tip ta hsieb...Dimech kien izolat meta gie eziljat, minghajr hadd ma rrezista jew lissen kelma... Fl-istess hin minkejja il-bizarriji kollha ghalinqas illum hemm min jirrezisti u f' xi aspetti ikolli nghid qed nghixu ahjar (bizejjed insemmu l-fatt li sa ftit zmien ilu lanqas divorzu ma kellna)...Pero hemm xi haga hazina hafna f'pajjiz fejn ir-riformi liberali isehhu fi sfont mhux biss neoliberali (argument iehor imma relatat) imma fi sfont illiberali, ta servilizmu u laqghizmu. Ghalhekk ikolli nghid li l-iktar haga li ghanda bzonn Malta hi satira vjolenti u irriverenti...(sfortunatament jien se nibqa nirrazzjonalizza u nanalizza ghax ghalhekk ninqala). Kelli nigi hawn biex nizvoga ghalkemm kelli f' mohhi nikteb xi haga differenti fuq ir-ritwali u kif dawn jikbru madwarek u ssib rifugju u serhan fihom... Forsi ghal darba ohra.

Hosting

too lazy to move to studio. typing first blog on my chargimg mobile, with franco battiato's eurovision entry of 3 decades or so ago. that feeling of serenity after cleaning after hosting. that feeling of opening your home to others or even others who were at another home with you. listening to that same playlist you prepared for the little feast...butter, cream, potato and pork ...that sharp culinary divide of olive oil vs butter, beer vs wine, pig vs grain... nordic vs mediterranean but united ina celtic way..so hosting is also a bit like seducing with music and food, you just hope those invited enjoy your choices...much depends on what effort you put in those choices, the ingredients and spices you put im the mix, for it is all an alchemical collision of the universe on our senses, taste buds, smell and vision. that sensation when you enter someone else's home, sometimes disorienting and sometimes welcoming. playlists are also a bit like a home, an accumulation of tastes influenced by guests who stayed and left a bit of themselves. for we always leave traces of ourselves everywhere, that is after all the purpose of life, to leave traces of our lives in others and hope that those traces made their life more beatiful at least in an ephemeral way.

Perspettivi

jghaddi z-zmien, perspettiva fuq li gara u ma garax. tistghageb, tistordi, tosfor...ddum ma tigi lura hawn u tiprova tmur lura hemm. gheruq li jfitxu u jimirhu l boghod mis sigra, gheruq li ma jinbtux u jsiru hamrija, gheruq li jintbtu fil holm tal gzira li tghum fil bahar taz zmien. mewg. caqliqa. tizliga. qafsa ta qalb. rabja. gheruq politici. sfond gypsy punk. tidhol fil fosqa tad duhhan. mieghek innifsek. il jien u lil hinn minni. ma nixteqx. waqfien. submission/liberation. kenn fil kitba. u fl-ikel. ssajjar ghal xi hadd. ssajjar ma xi hadd. materjalizmu. festa. s sbuhija tal hajja. eta. ageing gracefully. i saw the best minds of my generation...diska wahda. ritratt ta' memorja. zbalji. mhabbiet. ghada jisbah.

Meta tqum filghodu

Tqum filghodu wara lejla pjutost ordinarja fejn tlajt naqa high mhux hazin u meta wasalt instabbat fis-sodda.  Is-soltu ottimizmu tas-sitta ta' filghodu.  Thoss il-bzonn ta espresso u tghid haqni anki pizzetta tal-isqallin biex igibni f'posti. Tpejjep dak l-ewwel sigarett. Drag. Thoss lublieba ghall-hajja. Imbghad timxi l-mixja ta' filghodu u thoss sensazzjoni stramba ta dubju f' dak li ghidt, kif ghidtu u x' m' ghidtx u ghalkemm intangibli ghal waqt tkun tixtieq l-art tibilak, imma tkompli l-mixja lejn in-normalita.   Anzi tahseb naqa fuq il-fares politici u titbissem.  Jerga jigi d-dubju li f' xi mument zlaqt f' univers parallel, ghax kultant tigrilek...u tibda tiprova tiftakar meta stajt zlaqt u ghaliex.  Ma tiftakar xejn partikolari u tkompli timxi.  U tahseb x' se tikteb meta tasal ix-xoghol. Ticcekja l-mobile u tibda tibghat il-bongijiet.  Tinjora xi messaggi u tistenna ohrajn.   Tiftakar li grawlek kocc affarijiet dan l-ahhar ukoll.  Tiprova tohloq sekwenza imma titgerfex. Thoss li iktar kemm jinbidlu affarijiet, inqas jigru affarijiet. Tixtieq.  Il-mixja tfakkrek biex ma ddurx fi crieki ghax ma tasalx. Pero fil-hajja mhux kollox linear.  Tahseb f' xi haga sabiha.  L-ewwel haga li tigi f'mohhok. Tbissima. Tohlom ftit. Wara thossok naqa inqas kuntent.  Tahseb fl-ahhar ktieb li qrajt.   Thossok bizzejjed kuntent mhux iz-zejjed.  Tibza ftit.  Thoss li gara xi haga hazina.  Ma tafx x'hini. Terga ticcekja l-mobile.  Tasal ix-xoghol.  Thoss bzonn tikteb.  Tigi hawn. Tiftakar meta kont tigi ta' spiss hawn. Thoss li m' intix l-istess bniedem.  Thoss vojt.  Tiehu kafe iehor.  Tibda l-gurnata. Thoss l-ottimizmu tad-disgha ta' filghodu. Titamma f'zelqa ohra, mhux fin-niexef. Thoss certezza li gejjin affarijiet sbieh. Tibza li terga tizloq fil-mument li jigru ghax taf li x'imkien iehor diga graw.